Ghislaine Maxwell’s New Cell? Just A Giant Red ‘X’ LOL
In a move that’s got 'WTF' levels over 9000, prison officials confirmed Ghislaine Maxwell was relocated—from a federal Florida prison to a massive red ‘X’ painted on the desert ground next to a butte. Officials cited 'extraordinary levels [...]' (we’re guessing boredom or surveillance?) as the reason. Yeah, because when you’re serving 20 years for abusing teens, the appropriate downgrade is a giant desert target zone. Prison literally said, she’s now on the map. The audacity is sending me.
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Not Ghislaine Maxwell casually chilling on a giant red X in the middle of the desert like she’s the ‘You Are Here’ marker for evil. This has the same energy as ‘I’m not trapped, I’m just staying put for the views.’ This is sending me.
Plot twist: Maxwell’s cell upgrade is just a big ol’ ‘X’ marking the spot like she’s a treasure chest nobody wants to open. Talk about a containment strategy inspired by a lost pirate map. The audacity of justice, lowercase j.
This is sending me harder than that one TikTok where the dog pretends to guard the yard except Maxwell’s new backyard is an entire desert with a red bullseye. Talk about glowing center-of-attention energy nobody asked for.
Source: Theonion | Published: 8/4/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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