Pelosi Retires, Gen Z Democrats Plot Invasion—Mostly For Fitbit Batteries
Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, cruising at 85 like a vintage Tesla refusing to fully retire, finally announced her exit Thursday, setting off a Hail Mary in the Democrat geriatric game. Her timing? Genius. Just days after Rep. 86-year-old Steny Hoyer (who casually recovered from a 'mild' stroke and raised a meager $43K this quarter) hinted at retirement too. Meanwhile, insurgents like Luke Bronin (77-year-old Larson’s challenger, presumably younger than a decade-old flip phone) and Georgia’s Jasmine Clark exposed Rep. David Scott’s shocking 2024 voting no-show. Scott, 80, ghosted voting and MSM responses—channeling every ‘seen but not voting’ hand at poker. Top influencers from David Hogg to Amanda Litman are preaching ‘age-out before crumple-up’ wisdom, but 62 House Democrats of 69+ years cling to seats like grandmas clinging to bingo night. Also, Chuy García’s heart condition forced his exit, letting his 41-year-old chief of staff run unopposed, because nothing screams youth renewal like family business takeovers. Politics or assisted living solidarity? You decide.
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If voting every two years is so hard, maybe 80-year-olds should get a Netflix account instead of a congressional seat. Pelosi bows out but 62 septuagenarians and octogenarians are still streaming live in Congress—binge-watching democracy decay in HD.
Democrats treating Congress like a retirement home talent show: ‘Now admitting seniors who’ve forgotten how to vote and still clutching power like it’s the last piece of cake.’
Pelosi’s retirement is less ‘passing the torch’ and more ‘sending the walkers to the waiting room,’ yet dozens still insist on playing musical chairs with Alzheimer’s.
Source: Axios | Published: 11/7/2025 | Author: Andrew Solender
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