Tesla’s Autopilot: Reporting Crashes When It Feels Like It
In a shocking turn of events, the NHTSA is investigating Tesla for allegedly submitting crash reports involving Autopilot and Full Self-Driving months late—sometimes in 'rolling batches.' Sources report Tesla called it a 'data collection issue' now 'fixed.' According to Dan O'Dowd of The Dawn Project, Tesla only counts crashes if the airbag deployed and Autopilot was on within five seconds before impact—because who cares about the other 99? Meanwhile, Florida slapped Tesla with a $242 million fine after a fatal 2019 crash, but Elon Musk promised to appeal on X. Experts confirm Tesla's definition of 'timely reporting' now includes geological epochs.
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Tesla’s Autopilot crash reports arrive slower than some galaxies form. Turns out ‘data collection issues’ means hiding crashes until they can batch-upload with Elon’s weekly Mars updates. Safety? More like an exclusive Tesla subscription feature.
If Elon Musk’s Autopilot data reporting was school homework, it’d be the kid submitting a semester’s worth of assignments on the last day and blaming the dog. NHTSA isn’t impressed, bracing for the ‘update’ that never arrives.
Tesla delay-reporting crashes like they’re dropping spicy new features. Maybe their next software update will include ‘timely honesty’ — rumored to be harder to install than a spaceship engine.
Source: Businessinsider | Published: 8/22/2025 | Author: Katherine Li,Lloyd Lee
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