Walmart’s Shrimp: Now With Extra Radioactive Crunch
In a generous public service announcement, the FDA advised shoppers to avoid Great Value raw frozen shrimp sold at Walmart, warning it might contain Cesium-137 — yes, radioactive shrimp. According to the FDA, this glowing seafood isn't just 'fresh from the sea' but possibly 'fresh from a nuclear reactor.' It’s like your shrimp decided to double as a Geiger counter, turning your dinner into a potential science experiment. Just in case you thought shopping at Walmart couldn't surprise you, now you can literally test your radiation tolerance while eating dinner.
Share the Story
(1 of 3)Congrats, Walmart: turning your dinner into a sci-fi plot twist with radioactive shrimp. Who needs sushi when you can glow in the dark?
Great Value shrimp: part seafood, part glowing science project. Next stop, Walmart glow sticks aisle.
If you wanted dinner and a free cancer screening, Walmart’s radioactive shrimp has you covered.
Source: Theonion | Published: 8/22/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
More Articles in Health
Motorola Razr Flip Phones Finally Told They’re Secure Enough for 2027
KPMG’s Consulting Business Dies Dramatically While Staff Take a Hike
Sydney Sweeney's $1M Flop, Trump-Approved Jeans & Bathwater Soap Fiasco
90-Year-Old Dad Outsources Bathing to Jovial Nigerian and Ghanaian Carers
Woman Ages Backwards in Online Writing Class, Still Loses to 21-Year-Old
Billionaire’s Daughter’s Brain Hemorrhage Detected Belatedly By $299 Ring
Dietitians Unite to Demand We Eat More Beans, Save Humanity from Boredom
Mark Cuban Declares AI Too Empathetic to Replace Doctors, Only Bullshit Jobs Fear
