Crime's Out of Control, Coffee Prices to Blame?!
President Donald Trump claims crime is 'out of control' in D.C. and beyond, highlighting 'a record amount of robberies.' The Onion partially agrees by pointing out Georgetown's real culprit: 'Some places in Georgetown sell a cup of coffee for $9.' Who knew overpriced caffeine could be the true crime wave? The article cheekily crosses Chicago, New York, and Los Angeles off the list of top offenders, making us wonder if we should blame our innocent lattes instead!
Share the Story
Turns out crime isnāt spikes in muggings, itās just you paying $9 for coffee in Georgetown. Wallet robbery? At least now caffeine addiction has a criminal record!
Forget crime statsā$9 coffee is the real grand theft latte happening in D.C.! Grab your mug, the real battleās over espresso.
Turns out, the only thing running wild in D.C. is the price of coffee. At $9 a cup, who needs criminals when your caffeine budgetās gone rogue?
Source: Theonion | Published: 8/14/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
More Articles in Politics
Senateās Weekend Homework: Ending Shutdown Like Itās Rocket Science
Trumpās $2K Tariff Gift: Debt Slashing or Legal Dumpster Fire?
Trumpās $2,000 Tariff Giveaway ā Except If Youāre Rich, Obviously
Shutdown Blocks $5B WeaponsāNATO Left Holding Missiles
BBC Edits Trump Speech Like Prison Riot Director
