Wedding Singles Table: Where Your Cousins Go To Crash
At a recent wedding in the delightful land of familial ambiguity, the singles table—styled as the prime spot for romance—was surprisingly a reunion of cousins. Yes, everyone seated there was somehow related, blurring 'single' with 'genetically linked.' This extraordinary seating plan transformed what should have been a chance to mingle into an awkward family get-together where romantic sparks were replaced by genealogical charts. The event, despite offering an open bar strong enough to anesthetize any concerns about genetic pool purity, inadvertently highlighted the wonderful chaos of extended kinship. Because nothing says 'wedding celebration' like scanning the table for DNA matches instead of dance partners!
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The singles table at weddings is less Cupid’s matchmaker and more a family reunion where flirting is replaced by showing off your family tree like it’s a Tinder profile. Genetic diversity? At this wedding, it’s a rare collectible.
Who needs dating apps when your wedding puts all the cousins at the singles table? It’s like genealogical speed dating with 100 percent family DNA approval.
At this wedding, the singles table was less about mixing and mingling and more about a genetics lesson on how to scare off potential crushes before the cake is cut.
Source: Theonion | Published: 9/19/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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