Eternal Wrestle: Humanity's New Never-Ending Hobby
In a shocking turn of events, 'Eternal Wrestle,' as first reported by The Onion, unveils the ultimate test of human stamina and futility. Sources report that participants engage in an unending grapple match that defies time itself, with one competitor quoted saying, 'This isn't just wrestling; it's a lifestyle choice shaped by infinite commitment.' Experts confirm this 'wrestle' has no finish line, essentially making it the Sisyphus project of sporting events. Fans reportedly bring their own snacks for the millennia-long bouts, with organizers considering lifetime season tickets as reasonable. The world now watches as humanity redefines endurance to a cosmic absurdity.
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Eternal Wrestle is the new TikTok challenge: hold a grapple forever or lose your place in existential history. Spoiler: nobody's winning, but everyone's stuck.
Watching Eternal Wrestle is like staring at a lava lamp—hypnotic until you realize eternity was a mistake.
If pro wrestling is scripted chaos, Eternal Wrestle is infinite chaos with zero script and 100% despair. Sign me up to not participate.
Source: Theonion | Published: 7/31/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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