How to Resign from the Epstein Club, One Email at a Time

KEY POINTS

•Justice Department's final Epstein files release in January revealed powerful people linked to Epstein worldwide.
•Several top figures, including Brad Karp, Kathy Ruemmler, and Casey Wasserman, stepped down after emails surfaced.
•European and Middle Eastern leaders are investigated or resigned over Epstein ties, with international probes ongoing.

The Epstein leaks finished January stronger than your last awkward family dinner, revealing Brad Karp stepping down as Paul, Weiss chairman after emails linked him to Epstein, who apparently loved torture vids and bad influence. Kathy Ruemmler, Goldman Sachs’s top lawyer and Obama’s ex-White House counsel, quit after downplaying Epstein's crimes—because nothing says job security like defending a sex offender. Casey Wasserman, Hollywood talent head and LA28 Olympics chair, is selling his agency after clients like Chappell Roan fled faster than Usain Bolt. Meanwhile, Peter Attia, longevity guru, dropped advisory roles but CBS keeps him on, defying logic and moral gravity. Europe’s Peter Mandelson, Morgan McSweeney, Norway's Thorbjørn Jagland charged with aggravated corruption, and Jack Lang quitting over French tax fraud probes make this less a scandal and more the global "How Not To Epstein" masterclass. Over in Dubai, Sultan bin Sulayem’s resignation came after Epstein’s weird 2019 'I loved the torture video' email surfaced. Mix one sordid financier, sprinkle names from NFL to Prime Minister’s aides, and serve with bipartisan resignation demands—bon appétit!