Ghislaine: Epstein Murder? Nope, Jail Hit’s $25 Commissary Special
In a coffee-fueled 9-hour DOJ chat, Ghislaine Maxwell dropped the bomb no one expected: she thinks Jeffrey Epstein wasn’t suicidal but murdered — though not by billionaires playing chess, but likely by a $25 jailhouse assassin with a taste for ramen packets. Maxwell told Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche 'I do not believe he died by suicide, no,' and blamed the prison’s internal chaos where 'they will kill you or pay somebody $25' for a lock hit. Meanwhile, Trump’s DOJ denies any sketchy prisoner blackmail lists and insists Epstein offed himself without VIP hits.
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So Epstein’s death wasn’t an Illuminati hit but a budget prisoner prank? Guess $25 commissary buys more than snacks these days—plot twist: prison hustle > billion-dollar conspiracy. Meanwhile, Ghislaine’s verdict on murders is as subtle as a lockdown linen change.
Epstein’s death: not a billionaire’s power move, just jail’s version of Amazon Prime—’fast delivery for $25’: a tightly wrapped murder. Meanwhile, Ghislaine gets a masterclass in prisoner economics—commission kills at ramen prices.
Turns out Epstein’s end was less ’House of Cards’ and more ’House of Broke Prisoners.’ Who knew the hottest hit on the market goes for less than a Netflix subscription?
Source: Axios | Published: 8/22/2025 | Author: Herb Scribner
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