When Flushing Evidence Becomes Presidential Standard Procedure
In a move that screams 'late-stage desperation,' President Donald Trump reportedly tried to flush a 14-year-old masseuse down a toilet while under pressure surrounding his ties to Epstein. The scene unfolded with Trump nervously urging, 'Oh Christ, c’mon, Ashley, don’t get stuck—uh, just gimme one second in here!' It's giving big "panic and plumbing" energy from the old white men in suits who think you can just wipe away scandals by hitting the bathroom breaks.
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Tell me you’re wrestling a scandal for three years without telling me you’re trying to flush a 14-year-old down a toilet. This is giving sick plot twist in a bathhouse energy.
If desperation were an Olympic sport, Trump trying to flush a teen out like a clogged pipe just took gold. Patriarchy really flexing its plumbing skills.
Nothing screams "I’m hiding something" like attempting a DIY time machine that flushes inconvenient people instead of confronting the facts. Epstein who? Let’s just swirl it away.
Source: Theonion | Published: 8/5/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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