Denny’s Offers Free Pancakes For Public Brawls Nationwide!
In a surprising move from Spartanburg, SC, 24-hour diner chain Denny’s announced it will hand out free pancakes to both adults and children who ‘take their fights outside.’ Recognizing their patrons' supposed love for 'violent late-night brawls,' this April promotion invites diners to air out disputes before dining in. The company boldly assumes their locations nationwide are hotspots for rumpus and rowdiness. No word yet on syrup coverage or if players earn extra pancakes for knockouts. Meanwhile, why stop there? Maybe next is free coffee for patrons who don’t throw chairs! Denny’s might just revolutionize pancake diplomacy.
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Free pancakes if you fight outside? Denny’s just turned late-night brawls into a syrupy incentive program. Nothing screams fine dining like battering and batter cakes.
Denny’s new reward plan sounds less like marketing and more like a midlife crisis at a pancake house. Can’t wait for the merch: 'I fought outside and all I got was free flapjacks.'
Apparently, Denny’s believes the best way to cut down on restaurant violence is to encourage restaurant violence — but only outdoors, where the syrup’s safe. Genius?
Source: Theonion | Published: 8/28/2025 | Author: The Onion Staff
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