CDC Declared Dead: Colleagues Holding Memorial Service Today
In a statement dripping with workplace dramatic flair, an anonymous CDC employee dropped the bombshell to STAT: 'I've never heard as many colleagues saying things like 'CDC is dead' as I have today.' While no elaborate funeral plans or eulogies have been officially reported, we can almost hear the faint sound of HR fumbling to schedule grief counseling sessions amid this living agency's apparent killing blow. This sizzling hot take from the frontline of public health raises questions about what century or alternate timeline this colleague woke up in — or if this apocalypse is just the latest plot twist in U.S. health administration soap opera.
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Some CDC staff out here acting like they're in a zombie apocalypse movie: the CDC is dead, long live... well, what exactly? Someone call the CDC’s agent, there's a PR nightmare reanimating itself.
The CDC’s internal morale must be the new viral strain—dead inside but still contagious with despair.
Hearing 'CDC is dead' from employees is like hearing your toaster say it quits during breakfast: shocking, inconvenient, but somehow inevitable.
Source: Statnews | Published: 8/28/2025 | Author: Elizabeth Cooney
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