CDC Declared Dead: Colleagues Holding Memorial Service Today
In a statement dripping with workplace dramatic flair, an anonymous CDC employee dropped the bombshell to STAT: 'I've never heard as many colleagues saying things like 'CDC is dead' as I have today.' While no elaborate funeral plans or eulogies have been officially reported, we can almost hear the faint sound of HR fumbling to schedule grief counseling sessions amid this living agency's apparent killing blow. This sizzling hot take from the frontline of public health raises questions about what century or alternate timeline this colleague woke up in â or if this apocalypse is just the latest plot twist in U.S. health administration soap opera.
Share the Story
(1 of 3)Some CDC staff out here acting like they're in a zombie apocalypse movie: the CDC is dead, long live... well, what exactly? Someone call the CDCâs agent, there's a PR nightmare reanimating itself.
The CDCâs internal morale must be the new viral strainâdead inside but still contagious with despair.
Hearing 'CDC is dead' from employees is like hearing your toaster say it quits during breakfast: shocking, inconvenient, but somehow inevitable.
Source: Statnews | Published: 8/28/2025 | Author: Elizabeth Cooney
More Articles in Health
DeSantis Begs Trump For Job; Settles On AG, War, or Supreme Court Like A Drive-Thru Menu
Trump Nominee Promises Fed Independence While Holding $100M in Mystery Investments
Framework Laptop 13 Pro Promises No More 'Gorilla Arm' Pain, Still No Battery Bliss
Couple Rejects Costco Bulk, Returns to European Grocery Steps and Sanity
Woman Befriends Octogenarian, Learns Aging Is Just 'Old Lady' Bluntness
Womanâs Routine Eye Surgery Turns Into Unplanned MRI Brain Tumor Scare Roadshow
Health Secretary Trades Vaccines for Vegetable Advocacy and Congressional Grousing
Doctors Prescribe Fishing RodsâBecause Pills Canât Cast a Line
