AT&T Demands Employees Resurrect Office, Forgo Teeth Cleanings
In a shocking turn of events, AT&T CEO John Stankey declared war on 'familial cultural norms' and gentled whimsies alike, demanding workers surrender their cozy hybrid nests for brutal five-day office pilgrimages. Stankey's memo bluntly states, 'If the requirements dictated by this dynamic do not align to your personal desires, you have every right to find a career opportunity that is suitable to your aspirations and needs.' Experts confirm dentists are lobbying for emergency appendectomy-like dental appointments because "catering to convenience is not the driving force anymore."
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If you thought your boss was subtle, think again: AT&T now requires permanent residency at your cube & zero dental distractions. Either perform or pack up your ergonomic chair.
Welcome to 2025 where employers measure your worth in staplers slammed, coffee consumed, and 'commitment,' literally requiring you to practice your chair swivel five days a week.
Congrats! AT&T just reinvented slavery with fluorescent lighting and spreadsheet-based pain metrics. Work-life balance? More like work-office-anchor chain.
Source: Businessinsider | Published: 8/4/2025 | Author: Sarah E. Needleman,Tim Paradis
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