1975 Drummer Finally Ties Knot; Band Loses Removable Left Hand
In a ceremony so intimate even the band Wiki was confused, the singer married the 1975 drummer last week. Sources revealed the event was a 'private ceremony,' reportedly involving vows whispered so softly that only fans with perfect hearing got the memo. One attendee commented, 'The singer married the 1975 drummer in an intimate private ceremony last week,' which experts confirm is the official line and possibly the end of all single status in the band forever.
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Officially, the 1975 now comes with marriage tier added. We imagine merch: "I survived their intimate private ceremony." Next album: Love songs from the drummer's forever-private honeymoon playlist.
So the singer married the drummer and suddenly all those drum solo gigs are also legally a couples therapy session. Bet the band’s new hit will be 'Married Life: The Remixed Chronicles.'
If their wedding was any more private, it would be classified as a secret project by the CIA with subtle drum beats as cover noise. Drumroll, please—on a need-to-know basis only.
Source: Rollingstone | Published: 7/28/2025 | Author: Larisha Paul
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