31.5% Women, 26.4% Men Say Childhood Was a Nightmare, Cheers ONS!
In an upbeat twist for March 2024, the Office for National Statistics (ONS) bravely dropped a bombshell, revealing 13.6 million adultsâ29% of England and Wales' populationâendured âany abuseâ as kids, now including emotional, physical, sexual abuse, and neglect. Because whatâs better than expanding definitions to boost stats, right? Meanwhile, political stars Sadiq Khan, Zack Polanski, and Zarah Sultana are busy praising a mayor-elect looking like an all-star blueprint for UK election hope, not fear. And who could forget congratulating Zohran K Mamdani of New York for his historic win? Apropos encouragement when 31.5% of women and 26.4% of men vividly remember childhood as less 'Mary Poppins' and more 'survivor saga.'
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Nearly a third of women and a quarter of men in England and Wales grew up collecting childhood trauma like Pokémon cards. Meanwhile, politicians cheer harder than a kid on Christmas morning while reality roasts them cold.
The ONS redefined childhood trauma so broadly even your weirdly strict school librarian probably counts. Celebrate inclusion, or just cry quietly.
Watching politicians hype hope as 13.6 million people count childhood abuse in their resume sounds like the UK's new dark comedy series: Trauma, Tea, and Trombones.
Source: Theguardian | Published: 11/5/2025 | Author: Andrew Sparrow
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