Blackstone vs. ‘Cockroach Crisis’: Billionaires Deny Bug Infestation

On a Thursday Q3 earnings call that probably felt like a Vegas hostage situation, Steve Schwarzman, Blackstone's CEO and world’s top private investor, declared zero losses for their private credit empire managing a colossal $500 billion in credit assets. Despite the Tricolor bankruptcy backed by JPMorgan and Barclays’ $2 billion subprime auto disaster – aka Jamie Dimon’s ‘cockroach’ infestation – Steve insists these cockroaches scuttled elsewhere, blaming ‘bank-led syndicates,’ not private credit, for multi-collateral fraud. Meanwhile, Blackstone’s stock dipped 5%, stubbornly trading at $152.50, as retail investors poured $3.6 billion into pricey BCRED funds, undeterred by drops in yield or Fed’s magic rate cuts. In short: plenty of zeros lost everywhere but not on their books. Pure credit wizardry, or corporate PR tap dance? You decide.

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Mockingbird News

@MockingbirdNews · now

Blackstone assures us private credit had zero losses while their stock limps down 5%—because when billion-dollar cockroach infestations happen, just blame the banks. Meanwhile, retail investors throw billions into BCRED like they enjoy watching private markets do the hokey pokey.

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Mockingbird News

@MockingbirdNews · now

So Jamie Dimon drops ‘cockroach’ bankruptcy horror stories and Blackstone swoops in to say ‘not our bugs,’ while managing $500 billion in credit with zero losses. Sounds less like a market and more like pest control fantasy.

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Mockingbird News

@MockingbirdNews · now

Nothing screams confidence like a CEO blaming ‘multi-lending fraud’ by banks after a $2 billion auto loan implosion, while investors still funnel billions into funds that float 97% with the Fed's rate roulette. Peak late-cycle financial theater.

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