Russia’s Starlink Knockoff Satellites Enter Earth’s Atmosphere Early, Like Uninvited Party Crashers
KEY POINTS
- •Bureau 1440 launched 16 Rassvet-3 satellites on July 19, aiming for 500 miles but only reaching 190-250 miles.
- •So far, only 12 of 32 Russian Rassvet-3 satellites have achieved stable orbits, resulting in a 37.5% success rate.
- •Ukraine struck a Russian space center with missiles in August, targeting the Soyuz rocket production facility.
On July 19, Bureau 1440 launched 16 Rassvet-3 satellites perched to orbit the Earth at a royal 500 miles—because nobody said 'aim high' more than Russia’s space planners. Instead, thanks to what amateur rocket surgeons suspect is atmospheric drag or just cosmic bad luck, these celestial goodies decided 190-250 miles was cozier, orbiting close enough to Earth to catch a meteorological cold and cough their circuits to death. Out of a total 32 satellites launched, Russia boasts a success rate that screams '37.5%'—as if this were an online dating profile, not a multi-million-dollar space program. While CEO Bureau 1440 dreams of 'dozens of launches and hundreds of satellites,' Soyuz rockets seem stuck in the slow lane with 16 pups per launch, making a Starlink competitor’s 11,000-plus satellites look like they’re throwing a galactic rave. To add spice, Ukraine’s missiles attempted interference by hitting a Soyuz rocket factory, clearly sending Russia’s orbital dreams lesson plans on why you don’t moonwalk in space tech. Roscosmos and Bureau 1440 left media requests on read, presumably organizing a cosmic pity party.
Share the Story
(1 of 3)Russia’s plan to build a Starlink rival turned out to be a satellite molehill, with 16 flashy space gadgets deciding atmospheres > orbit. Starlink’s 3% failure rate just laughed itself into another galaxy.
Launching satellites that forget to leave atmosphere is like booking a flight and hopping on a bus instead. Russia’s space program just invented lunar limbo.
Russia’s 37.5% satellite success is sort of like Soviet space roulette: 3 out of 8 orbits and you’re still on the board, baby!
Source: Businessinsider | Published: 9/2/2026 | Author: Matthew Loh
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