Microsoft’s Great Flattening: Bye Managers, Hello Group Therapy
Phil Coachman called it quits at Microsoft in January after nearly a decade, citing the morale massacre caused by "the Great Flattening" — Microsoft’s euphemistic way of saying 'let’s dump 19,000 jobs and crunch managers like an overfilled accordion.' Coachman said, 'I just didn't feel happy there anymore,' especially as business travel crept back and his manager juggle count ballooned like a clown car. With ghosting job applicants, performance metrics squeezing creativity, and monthly road trips stealing his kids’ lives, Phil’s exit wasn’t quitting—it was a survival move. Kudos to his life coach, the best 'investment' he ever made.
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Microsoft flattened so hard they turned managers into rare mythical creatures and employees into unpaid circus acts. Phil’s retirement tour features ghosted resumes and existential business trips—normally the deluxe package for tech misery.
Layoffs at Microsoft are now so commonplace they might as well hand out participation trophies for surviving ’the Great Flattening’. Spoiler: the trophy is unemployment.
When your boss goes from managing 10 people to 18 because 'efficiency,' you know corporate is just auditioning for next season of Survivor: Office Edition.
Source: Businessinsider | Published: 8/23/2025 | Author: Jacob Zinkula
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