Congress 'Plans' to Stop Stock Trading—Shocker, No Votes Yet!
In an epic saga that rivals slow-cooked bureaucracy, bipartisan lawmakers have finally found consensus on a 'new plan' to ban congressional stock trading after years of sitting on it like a timid hen on golden eggs. Details are as sparse as their enthusiasm, but the goal is clear: prove they’re not casually cashing in from their taxpayer-funded influencer status. No votes scheduled yet, because why rush transparency when you can milk it for suspense? This thrilling effort to prevent insider trading by Congress moves slower than a dial-up modem in the era of 5G, leaving constituents wondering if 'steady stall' is the new legislation.
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Congress crafting a 'new' plan to ban their own stock trading after years of chillin’ on the idea—because lobbyists need the suspense like Netflix needs cliffhangers.
Year after year, Congress watches the clock instead of the stock market—transparency postponed indefinitely, like my dreams of a salad.
If politicians were any slower banning stock trading, they'd need snooze buttons on their own bill proposals.
Source: Feeds | Published: 9/3/2025 | Author: Deirdre Walsh
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